i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
