I'm so fucking centered right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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