Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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