Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
