i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
