Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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