what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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