I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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