god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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