I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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