Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
