i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
