Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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