dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
