you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
