Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
