Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
