My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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