I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was like eating out sand paper
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
