yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
