Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize