Got a toothbrush?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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