And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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