I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
