Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
