Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
