1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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