i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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