hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
