he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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