is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
