does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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