Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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