why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
