She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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