Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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