Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
