Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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