Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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