Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
