do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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