I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
