Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
