Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
