remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
