ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
