I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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