I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
