I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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