is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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