3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
