okay pat passed out under dana's car
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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