His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
