I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
