Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
