Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found your dick twin last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
