I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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