dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
