Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
a search helicopter?!
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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