he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You are the jesus of drinking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
