I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
