i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
