You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
