I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
