Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
