i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
